my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
