Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
