he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize