She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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