So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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