I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize