why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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