I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
