And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
