best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
