What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
