1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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