i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
