Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
