so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
