We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Boobs speak an international language.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
