Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
