Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
