Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
