McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
