I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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