We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
