there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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