Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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