She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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