i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
