i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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