Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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