dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
