Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
