she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I supernannyed him into submission
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
