It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
