The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
