How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize