dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
