Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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