Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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