Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
