Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
