Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
