Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
