You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
