Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
