dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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