I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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