my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
