i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
