So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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