Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
