nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
