i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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