pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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