Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
