He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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