a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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