I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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