It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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