That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
