I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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