it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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