I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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