wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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