It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
time to smoke my breakfast
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
