I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
