My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize